With Love, Your Coconut

... and she reached out to him time and time again without success. Phone calls went unanswered. Text messages sent without reply. Facebook messages met with the message "This person isn't receiving messages from you right now." She couldn't take it anymore, the not knowing. She decided to try one last avenue of approach. She didn't know whether or not it would get the same attention as the others; none, but she felt it was worth the shot. She wouldn't know if she didn't try, so she tried. She titled the email, "Not Going Anywhere Until You Tell Me To..."

I know you are dealing with a lot right now with the passing of your grandfather. I again am deeply sorry for your loss and my condolences go out to you and your family. I just need you to know that I am here if you need to talk to someone. I know what it's like to lose someone you care about. I also know what it's like to grieve.

I also need you to know that I care about you and that I'm not sure if you retreated from me because of something I said/did or if it was because of everything you're going through at the moment. I was honestly happy to start talking to you again. I started thinking about what a future with you would be like. I thought about being with someone who genuinely knew me, cared about me, and wanted what was best for me. I thought about building a life with someone who never judged me and always took the time to understand me. Not only that, but someone, who regardless of everything, looked out for me and always wanted to make sure that I was okay. 

I just can't understand how you made it your biggest mission to get in contact with me only for there to be such silence between us. I feel like I've done something wrong to you, but don't know what it is and since you're not talking to me I can't figure it out so I can't put the thought to rest. The last thing I want to do is say/do anything that can hurt you, make you look at me differently, or make you not want to speak to me again. You are one person who I feel like I can be vulnerable with without the fear of being hurt or played. 

As I sit here and type this email I am feeling nervous. What if you don't open this email? What if you don't want to speak to me because I said something I didn't realize I said? What if you found someone else you'd rather be with? What if you got back with your ex and felt like that's who you'd rather be with? What if you realized I wasn't worth it? All these questions and more going through my mind. I can't believe I'm writing this right now to be honest with you, but I just need you to know as much as I can get out of my head and heart and into this email. 

I do not want things between us to end this way... in unanswered, unresolved, silence. I do not want to go on with my day to day simply knowing that someone I really sat back and saw myself having an actual future with just disappeared out of my life one day without a trace leaving my heart heavy and my mind full of questions. 

I am not asking you to answer me today, tomorrow, or even the day after that. I can wait for you just like you waited for me. I'll be here. Take your time and grieve in the manner that best suits you, but remember, I'm here. If you want to talk, if you want to cry, if you want to sit in silence... Know that I am here for you. Know that if you need me I am here and if you need to me to come back home to be with you for a few I will find a way. I just need two things from you... I need to know that you are okay. I need to know whether or not you even want me anymore. If you don't that's fine, I will respect your wishes and this will be the last piece of communication you can expect from me. But... I'm not going anywhere until you tell me to.

With love, 

Your Coconut

Fearing her nerves would get the best of her and she'd delete it all, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and hit send. Nothing left to do but wait...