Girl, Interrupted

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ―   Steve Maraboli ,  Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

I have spent three days trying to write about my father. Why him? Well, because I am working on becoming a better me, loving myself more, and my deeply rooted issues with my father have everything to do with that. I cannot move forward until I deal with it, with him. I cannot learn to breathe and love and live again until I have given life to truth and by speaking it and death to pain by forgiving. Until I do so I will forever be a prisoner of my past hurt, watching people live and love through these prison bars.  I don't believe fathers really understand the affect their presence, or lack thereof, has on their children. More importantly I don't believe they know the effect it has on their daughters. Some of a father's main goals as a parent are: being an example of how a man is supposed to carry himself, showing what a healthy relationship between a man and a woman looks like, and ultimately showing his daughter the love she deserves, should expect, and demand from a...

The other night I wasn't able to sleep so I decided I'd watching some shows. I came across Iyanla Vanzant's House of Healing: The Myth of the Angry Black Woman. It consists of four episodes where Vanzant invites eight women from their early 20s to late 40s who consider themselves "angry black women" for whatever reasons. While watching I couldn't hold back tears. I saw pieces of myself in each of those women. I saw my pain in theirs. It's crazy how much we hold in and hold back. How much people misjudge anger for hurt, shame, embarrassment, abandonment. How much we refuse to let ourselves heal because most times we're unaware there is healing to be had. People look at black women and see them as angry, but they're not understanding all of the things we deal with that manifest themselves negatively and help to perpetuate the stereotype of "the angry black woman." We are not angry, we are queens who have let the weight of or sorrows we...

It's been a while since I've actually written something.  Once upon a time I couldn't go a day without writing something, anything. Writing was my escape. Everything I ever wrote when I was younger, I lost so I decided I would start this page to keep a record of my thoughts, my words, my feelings. Over time I just stopped writing. Lost my passion, my inspiration. I didn't have a drive to do the one thing I loved and I began holding in everything. It got to a point where all the things I held in started building up to the point of explosion, to the point where I could no longer hold it in, yet I wasn't able to write anything down, to get it out the way I was accustomed. I turned to other things. One of those things was drinking. I drank more than a fish. Day after day with no breaks needed. It was to the point where I could drink, throw up, and finish drinking. Mornings I'd wake up with no recollection of my night past a certain point and no idea how I even got h...

“Anything that annoys you is for teaching you patience. Anyone who abandons you is for  teaching you how to stand up  on your own two feet. Anything that angers you is for teaching you forgiveness and compassion. Anything that has power over you is for teaching you how to take your power back. Anything you hate is for  teaching you unconditional love. Anything you fear is for  teaching you courage to  overcome your fear. Anything you can’t control is for teaching you how to let go and trust the Universe”  ― Jackson Kiddard