That Face

How do I feel about you? Ugh. I feel like right now you're taking advantage of the fact that I'm a little nice right now and my emotions are just flowing. But in all honesty I feel like I'm second-guessing my love for you and if I should have told you that I loved you. Because the truth of the matter is that you're not ready for your heart to be in another serious relationship again. I don't want to be the face that you see when you think of the that transition point in your romantic life. That face of hurt, pain, and rejection. I refuse to be that face. I want to be that face that you remember and  smile about because that was a love beautiful and pure. I want to be the face that brings a smile to the heart with the memory of me .. that's what I want to be. How do I feel about you? I love you. You make me happy when I think about you. When I'm sober you make me smile and think happy thoughts. You bring forth feelings of understanding, which is what I long for more than anything in life. But when I'm in the clouds things are so much different. When I'm in the clouds I think about the past. I think about all the questions that are asked. I think about the dark times when I excaped to the clouds with her for days on end. Those times when I thought the clouds were the only break from reality that I had until I realized I was being left all alone with my thoughts. The alternate reality that I try to run away from in the real world by pitching them into the heavens and looking the gates down to my earth. Mother eath provides the key. The key that opens the pathway from one reality to the next. Without that key I am able to pretend that the world within the clouds does not exist.

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