That Love Shit

Sucks when you love someone, they love you; they have commitment issues and are scared because of all the shit these ignorant hood bugger bitches put them through. It’s a shitty situation and a shitty story, especially when the fucker has the worst trust issues ever seen or dealt with. It sucks when you know what you want and who you want is in a semi-fucked up place mentally, but is fully aware of that and is scared to change and accept the fact that not all females are the same. You know that even though it’s what you want you probably could do and deserve better, but you’re not sure if better would ever feel like you deserve them. I was told, “It’s up to you. How much can you endure? They could be the absolute dumps, but something about then could just set your soul on fire; a feeling that you never felt before.” Unfortunately, that’s exactly how it is with him. Something about him and the way I feel when I’m with him and around him. It makes me push the shit I hate dealing with out my mind even if it’s only for a moment. Told him, one thing about me is that I’m like a puppy. I stay around and take all the blows you dish out, but at the end of the day I come right back to you wanting you to love me, loyal as puppy dog. Guess I’m not better than a dumb dog. I always said I wasn’t meant to be happy. I fuck up when I get something great and then get fucked over when I finally want to take someone serious. I’m usually the one doing the fucked up shit and then I end up in a relationship where the shoe’s on the other foot. It’s just so back and forth. I feel like I should just say fuck it and be alone, but I long for someone to love me. Like a fucking fool. Love karma. That’s what I’m told it’s called. He tells me that he wants me to show him that I love him. He doesn’t believe words, he believes actions. What the fuck?!?!? I’m bending over backwards to show you that I’M NOT THE SAME! I’m here putting up with you and fucked up ass treatment. I wanna be here. I fucking love you. And what does he do? Nothing. He says he hears me, but when he leaves my side he’s probably with the next chick; my competition. I don’t want to have to compete with someone else for you heart. I’ve played that game too many times in the past, and lost. I don’t want to go through that again. I don’t want to waste my time. But I’M STILL HERE. Like a dump loyal puppy dog, I take my blows and return wanting you to love me. I sit here patiently waiting, hoping that he’ll come to his senses, telling myself that I’m going to give him a little more time, just a little more time. But for what? That’s that love shit. Fuck love. I wish I could take a dull knife to love’s genitals, tell love I love it and fuck it slowly with my blade. Show it what love feels like to me; fucking painful.

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