hard to feel loved
it's hard when you're with someone who claims that they love you but not only do they not understand you, you're ways and reasons for thinking the and acting the way you do, but they also do not accept you for who you are. it's hard when you love someone who is not telling you how they honestly feel, who isn't telling you that they love you, who isn't telling you everything that they're feeling but will go back and tell someone else. it's hard to love someone who makes you feel as though nothing you do is and will ever be good enough because it's not the same as the person who came before you that they compare everyone else to as a standard. it's hard when you say you love someone and they tell you some shit about how they compare all their new girlfriends to their ex. what kind of shit is that? how do they expect you to feel?
there are times in my life where i find someone that i think i'm happy with, someone that i think i love, things are wonderful at first and they slowly start to change. when things change they change for the worse. they start telling me that there are things about me that they don't really like without really saying it, sometimes they actually do say it. they start acting very extrovert. they don't touch you the way they used to and leave you wondering what the hell is going on, am i not good enough for you? they stop communication like they used to. you get less phone calls, less text messages. you fall asleep without their voice being the last one you hear and wake up without it being the first. things just aren't the same anymore and you're wondering if it's you. who doesn't?
then there are the times when the two parties love each other, but one or both have things that they need to work out with themselves so they equally agree to take a break from each other intimately and just remain a constant in each others' lives for the morally support. if there aren't any boundaries set and any terms made then this period could be the worst that there is in a relationship. one wrong move determines the breakup of this couple. i can tell you this from experience. you will find the two of you together in a close personal space, like alone in the car, and there is not type of contact like there used to be, they aren't even bothering to glance over at you and you're sitting there feeling all this tension in the air that wasn't there before. there will be and more than likely have been instances where the two parties don't make any boundaries and terms. you can be out one day at the same club with a few friends, not knowing that they're there, and you see them with another female. you could be having a conversation with someone who is unaware of the circumstances surrounding the two of you who tells you they saw so and so with this other chic at a restaurant the two of you frequented. they could even walk into your job with the person that they're currently dealing with. your heart will hurt. no matter how much you want to lie and say that you don't care and how much you're like "fuck it" it's not gonna be that way at all. if you get one that's a pain in the ass you're gonna ask for sex and they're gonna tell you it'll complicate things. take that as a sign that things aren't gonna get better because that person is obviously feeling or already sexing someone else. how the hell can someone that you were already having sex with tell you that having sex now will make things complicated? what the hell kind of shit is that?
things like these are ridiculous. these are the types of things that happen when you jump into a relationship with a person that you just met and haven't given yourself the time to know about. quick relationships usually start of strong and end as quickly as they started. take time to get to know the person that you're talking to and that you're feeling to make sure that they are the person that you can see yourself being with. make sure that everything about them fits your and everything about you fits in to their lifestyle. you need to make sure you learn about your partner and they learn about you before you all jump into something like a relationship. some times companionship, as i like to call them, last longer than relationships. it's a lot easier to be with someone and not throw a title on things, there will be issues when one might get jealous because they consider yours all theirs and they don't want anyone being with you or anything like that, but that's where sitting down and setting terms and boundaries come into place.
i just want to be happy in my relationship. just want someone who loves, appreciates, accepts me for the person that i am, someone who understands that there are things that made me the way i am an that i can't just change over night. someone who doesn't want to change me, but wants me to be myself because being me is what makes me the person that attracted them in the first place. i want someone who is going to tell me that they miss me and tell me that they love me when they are feeling it and when they are thinking it. i want someone who is going to lean over at spontaneous moments and whisper in my ear that they love me. is that a lot to ask for? i don't know, maybe it is, but that's what i want. i want someone with a wonderful personality and smile, someone caring, loving and warm, someone with a good head on their shoulders, with goals, and morals, someone who knows where they're going in life and knows the road they need to take to get there. i want someone who will be understanding (think i may have said that already), someone who will take the time to talk to me at night when they see that my mood had shifted and i may have fallen into a state of depression. i want a lot in a person, yes, but who doesn't. it's not to say that this person doesn't exist because God made everyone on this earth with a mate, it's just a matter of finding that person, where ever they may be.
there are times in my life where i find someone that i think i'm happy with, someone that i think i love, things are wonderful at first and they slowly start to change. when things change they change for the worse. they start telling me that there are things about me that they don't really like without really saying it, sometimes they actually do say it. they start acting very extrovert. they don't touch you the way they used to and leave you wondering what the hell is going on, am i not good enough for you? they stop communication like they used to. you get less phone calls, less text messages. you fall asleep without their voice being the last one you hear and wake up without it being the first. things just aren't the same anymore and you're wondering if it's you. who doesn't?
then there are the times when the two parties love each other, but one or both have things that they need to work out with themselves so they equally agree to take a break from each other intimately and just remain a constant in each others' lives for the morally support. if there aren't any boundaries set and any terms made then this period could be the worst that there is in a relationship. one wrong move determines the breakup of this couple. i can tell you this from experience. you will find the two of you together in a close personal space, like alone in the car, and there is not type of contact like there used to be, they aren't even bothering to glance over at you and you're sitting there feeling all this tension in the air that wasn't there before. there will be and more than likely have been instances where the two parties don't make any boundaries and terms. you can be out one day at the same club with a few friends, not knowing that they're there, and you see them with another female. you could be having a conversation with someone who is unaware of the circumstances surrounding the two of you who tells you they saw so and so with this other chic at a restaurant the two of you frequented. they could even walk into your job with the person that they're currently dealing with. your heart will hurt. no matter how much you want to lie and say that you don't care and how much you're like "fuck it" it's not gonna be that way at all. if you get one that's a pain in the ass you're gonna ask for sex and they're gonna tell you it'll complicate things. take that as a sign that things aren't gonna get better because that person is obviously feeling or already sexing someone else. how the hell can someone that you were already having sex with tell you that having sex now will make things complicated? what the hell kind of shit is that?
things like these are ridiculous. these are the types of things that happen when you jump into a relationship with a person that you just met and haven't given yourself the time to know about. quick relationships usually start of strong and end as quickly as they started. take time to get to know the person that you're talking to and that you're feeling to make sure that they are the person that you can see yourself being with. make sure that everything about them fits your and everything about you fits in to their lifestyle. you need to make sure you learn about your partner and they learn about you before you all jump into something like a relationship. some times companionship, as i like to call them, last longer than relationships. it's a lot easier to be with someone and not throw a title on things, there will be issues when one might get jealous because they consider yours all theirs and they don't want anyone being with you or anything like that, but that's where sitting down and setting terms and boundaries come into place.
i just want to be happy in my relationship. just want someone who loves, appreciates, accepts me for the person that i am, someone who understands that there are things that made me the way i am an that i can't just change over night. someone who doesn't want to change me, but wants me to be myself because being me is what makes me the person that attracted them in the first place. i want someone who is going to tell me that they miss me and tell me that they love me when they are feeling it and when they are thinking it. i want someone who is going to lean over at spontaneous moments and whisper in my ear that they love me. is that a lot to ask for? i don't know, maybe it is, but that's what i want. i want someone with a wonderful personality and smile, someone caring, loving and warm, someone with a good head on their shoulders, with goals, and morals, someone who knows where they're going in life and knows the road they need to take to get there. i want someone who will be understanding (think i may have said that already), someone who will take the time to talk to me at night when they see that my mood had shifted and i may have fallen into a state of depression. i want a lot in a person, yes, but who doesn't. it's not to say that this person doesn't exist because God made everyone on this earth with a mate, it's just a matter of finding that person, where ever they may be.
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