Atop the Waters

I lay here in this bed with a million and one thoughts going through my head. Questions on top of questions. Stresses on top of stresses. All I want is for them all to vanish into thin air. I’ve come to realize that I try too hard, love too strong, care too much, and am too loyal; especially to those who do not deserve the slightest bit of my loyalty. I open up my heart to the wrong ones. The ones who don’t have the slightest clue how to care for one as fragile as mine. So they drop it on the floor and leave me to pick up the shards and broken pieces. I long for a love that I will never find in the places I’ve subconsciously been searching, settling for less that I well know I deserve. I’ve spent so much time and energy showing the wrong ones that I’m the right one. Spending hours and days trying to solve an inequality; knowing both sides will never be equal, but nonetheless forcing this triangle into the circle hoping like a fool it would sooner or later fit. I devote my time and attention to he who will never notice and those who blindly overlook it as a sign or form of weakness. To those who classify me as needy because I take the time to worry about their wellbeing. I devote my loyalty to individuals who will never return the favor. The only favor they return is that of Judas Iscariot, pure betrayal. They are the Brutus to my Caesar, planting swords within the depths of my back as my reward. As I lay here in this bed, a million thoughts, questions, and stresses cloud my view. Answer float atop the water as I swim clinging to the lingering remnants of what I fear to be my last breath. I long to break through to the surface, breath a breath of life I’d been longing for. Strength, perseverance, and my desire to survive, to live; these things, they keep me. I refuse to perish; refuse to drown within the midst of my life’s sorrows. There is love, loyalty, and devotion so pure awaiting me atop the surface of the waters and I WILL REACH THEM.